rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Randomize
