is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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