Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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