i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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