Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize