i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
