I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
