my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
