sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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