high people should be assigned attendants
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
