woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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