is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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