accomplished twins. life is a go
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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