And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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