also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
