so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
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I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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