i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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