Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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