They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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