Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
there's paper in my vomit.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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