"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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