I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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