yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
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His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
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First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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