This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize