What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
