I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
