i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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