Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
