Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
