What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
