i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
