I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
