normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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