stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
