yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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