So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
sex in a hospital.. check
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
