There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
