piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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