Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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