her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
