He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I love you.
Bad choice
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
