that's an acceptable place to lick
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
