Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
