I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
