I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
