Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
