just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
