Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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