it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
