never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
