omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
