we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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