i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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