That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
