am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
