It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
