Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
