Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
