Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
