I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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