Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
