threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
