i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
