So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
