Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
