we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
