i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
