barbara walters just said penis...
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
