I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
