jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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