Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
